Why is revenge such a temptation?

Why do we want to hurt someone as much as they have hurt us? We are going to look at that topic in our series of forgiveness.

I want us to look at a story where David was pursued by king Saul. In 1 Samuel 24, we read that after David had been in a cave where Saul had gone to relieve himself. In 1 Samuel 24:8-13 it says: “Then David went out of the cave and called out to Saul, “My lord the king!” When Saul looked behind him, David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground. He said to Saul, “Why do you listen when men say, ‘David is bent on harming you’? This day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, ‘I will not lift my hand against my master, because he is the Lord’s anointed.’ See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. Now understand and recognize that I am not guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life. May the Lord judge between you and me. And may the Lord avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, ‘From evildoers come evil deeds,’ so my hand will not touch you.”

Previously, we looked at the pain Joseph experienced by being betrayed by his own brothers and being sold off into slavery. Joseph forgave them in the end. We saw his struggles and how he grappled with it. Today, we will look at an even deeper pain. That is when we are offended or sinned against by a father in our lives, or a father figure, even spiritual fathers in our lives. How do we deal with that? What happens if we are deeply discouraged by these men that fall into sin, who are supposed to be leaders within the church? How do we deal with the failure of prominent spiritual leaders in our day and age? What do we when we encounter rejection and malice by someone who is meant to shape, mould us, and father us?

As we look for an example of this sort of pain, we come to the story of David in the Old Testament. The story of David is spelled out for us in the book of 1 Samuel in particular. It was the relationship between him and king Saul. David had been anointed to be the king after king Saul. Samuel had anointed him as a young man tending his father's sheep, as a young shepherd. David had been set apart to take up the reins of the nation after king Saul. Saul had forfeited his right to continue as king because he had directly disobeyed God. We know the story of how Saul was tormented by an evil spirit and the only way to calm his nerve was to play music for him. They found young David who was gifted on the harp. He could calm the frazzled nerves of a middle-aged king who was losing it. He was the one that played, probably what we would call an acoustic guitar, on his harp for the king. He ministered in the palace.

The first thing I want us to look at is this love-hate relationship. The love-hate relationship that David had with king Saul. In the beginning, it was all love and you can imagine how David must have felt coming out of the fields as a shepherd boy. He was suddenly invited to be a musician in the king's palace and there he was playing away. You can imagine how David felt in that situation. As time passed, we know there were a number of battles going on with the Philistines and king Saul went to battle against one particular group. Among them, was the giant Goliath. Into this battle came young David, who had been sent by his dad to take supplies to the soldiers. His older brothers were in Saul’s army. Young David arrived in the camp, he heard Goliath taunting the living God and also heard the promise that the man who defeats Goliath will get the king's daughter's hand in marriage. He would get to marry a princess.

Young David with great faith and perhaps a few stars in his eyes asked permission to go into battle against Goliath. David brought down Goliath. He was the hero of the day and received the promised princess. He married into king Saul's family and things were getting better daily. He ate at the king's table. He won battles on behalf of the king. He prospered. He was living in luxury among the royalty. God's prophecy via Samuel was coming true slowly and everything was unfolding. Saul even favoured David as a captain in his army sending him out to fight. He was a mentor to David and he was the one training him and guiding him. David was rejoicing in God's faithfulness through this whole period.

One day, everything changed, it happened on a fateful day when David returned from a battle. People lined the streets as David came into Jerusalem, they began to sing the song about David: “Saul has killed thousands and David has killed tens of thousands.” That infuriated Saul. He began to despise David. On two different occasions, Saul sought to kill David with his own spear, while David was playing the harp to calm his frazzled nerves. The Bible says that Saul hated David because he saw that God was with David. He saw God's anointing on David.

David was forced to flee for his life into the wilderness. I am sure David was wondering about what had happened to all those promises that God had made. They seemed shattered. His mentor, spiritual father, the king himself, was trying to kill him. God had anointed Saul to be king. He was the chosen leader of the nation. In fact, when he became king he was filled with the Spirit of God. Against a mighty king and all his soldiers, what chance did little David have? To make matters worse, Saul began to chase David from wilderness to wilderness, and cave to cave. He was not only being pursued by the king but also 3000 of the king's finest soldiers were out to kill David.

David's dream was probably in tatters. All the luxury living in the palace was gone. Instead of a soft pillow, he was lying on a hard rock in a cave somewhere. He was a hunted man and a wanted man in the wilderness. David was experiencing the loneliness of a refugee in a foreign land. God had placed David under Saul's care. Why was God allowing all of this to happen? Why was favour being ripped out from under David's feet?

Can you imagine, it would have been very easy for David to be offended by the injustice of king Saul or even to be offended with God for allowing this to happen? Saul was now determined to kill this young man. It seemed as if as king Saul pursued David, his madness increased. This passage that we read came to pass in 1 Samuel 24, when David even cried out, “My father, why do you hunt me down?” David's heart was broken. He was pleading with Saul to take him back and to stop the madness. David's heart was still filled with hope even though there was this love-hate relationship. There was more hatred from Saul side.

In this love-hate relationship, I want us to look secondly, at the issue of missing fathers. I have seen this cry from young men, particularly in the church as they have sought to have a father figure in their lives. Young men who have experienced perhaps a strong call of God on their lives and they cry out for discipleship. They cry out for support from the spiritual fathers in the church. They cry out for encouragement, but all they find are missing fathers. In fact, it is such a problem that God foretells it in Malachi 4:6:“He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.” Here in South Africa, there is a curse of some sort, with so many absent fathers missing in action. Fathers are no longer here. We saw that in the 1940s, when so many fathers went off to war in Europe and many did not come back. We saw it in the 1960s and 1970s when many Godly fathers went into exile because of the injustices in our land. We have seen that in the migrant labourers. Fathers have sought to care for their families by going off to work in the mines far from home and leaving young men in particular to grow up without a father. We have seen that in the 1980s, 1990s and 2000s when materialism has gripped our world and fathers have gone into the workplace and neglected their families.

Like Saul in his day, many fathers in our day are more concerned about work, than with God. They are more concerned about politics and comfort than with serving the kingdom of God. They are more concerned with being in the pub, the sports field or the shebeen, than doing what is right in these days. Many of them are chasing after money and neglecting their children. Specifically, their sons, who need a Godly example to lead them and that is not just in the families but that is also in the churches. There are often more women than men in the church. The men have gone out to do their own thing in society. In the churches, we have seen success pursued at the expense of the youth. Love is often compromised for the pursuit of materialism. We have seen that people have sought to be successful in numbers and in money but have failed in the home. Constantly, that pattern seems to be played out.

Many young leaders have been treated like David by the Saul’s in their lives. Many have seen their Saul, protect their kingdom at all costs and in churches, the young people are no longer there, because of this. I have personally experienced this as some leaders have cut me off because of suspicion. They were perhaps insecure, jealous or maybe prideful. They may have used the youth simply as a help to them, as long as they are around and then discarded them when they were no longer necessary. Saul here, demoted David and looked for every reason he could to destroy him. Many people, young and old, in our day and age are looking for a father figure. They need someone to disciple them, take them under their wing and teach them the ways of God, in this world. They want to learn from their leaders. However, because of the failure and the absent fathers and the missing fathers, they are isolated.

What is God's purpose in this? Like David they need to go through this painful process to learn the incredible valuable lesson of forgiveness, because without that lesson of forgiveness being learned, they will not become the men that they need to be. That is why in 1 Samuel 24:11 David says: “See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. Now understand and recognize that I am not guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life.” In other words, David said that he could have taken Saul's life, but he did not. He needed to learn the lesson of forgiveness and forgiveness is like physical exercise. The more we exercise, the fitter we become and the more useful we become in the kingdom of heaven.

David could have been asking the questions: “Where did I go wrong?” He might have thought: “If I only can prove my love to Saul, then I will be restored to favour and back in the palace again.” However, we know that people who have been rejected by a father or a leader tend to blame themselves. They tend to have tormented thoughts: “Is there any sin in my life?” They may ask themselves: “Who has turned the heart of the leader against me?” As they wrestle backwards and forwards, they also play mind games in their heads. They constantly try and prove themselves to their leader. They try and show their loyalty in whatever way they can in this love-hate relationship, and they try and emphasize their value.

Sadly, the more they do that, the more their spiritual father or physical father is missing in action. They become absent fathers. That is why David could write in Psalm 103:13 that: “As a father has compassion on his children so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.” David had to learn that lesson, which was to fear God, to do what God wanted and to find a father in God. God is a perfect father, in a world of broken, absent fathers, weak fathers or fathers that have failed us. Fathers that are meant to be spiritual giants, but they have turned out to be spiritual midgets. We need to let God father us. Jesus taught us to pray: “Our Father who art in heaven.” We need to find in our God a faithful father and a faithful God who will never abandon us even in the most difficult of trials.

In a world of missing fathers, we need to see the challenge of this passage is that there still needs to be an honouring of leaders. As well as honouring of our father and mother, as the ten commandments teach us. Saul acknowledged David's goodness when David could have killed him but he did not. David probably thought that he was now back in the good books of king Saul. We are told that just a short time later, David was again betrayed and Saul was after him, again with 3 000 warriors. Saul again, intentionally and without provocation sought to take David's life. He must have felt terribly rejected. David, goes into king Saul's camp while God had put all the soldiers into a deep sleep one night, Abishai, was with him. As they walked among the sleeping three thousand, Abishai pleaded with David in Samuel 26:8: “Abishai said to David, “Today God has delivered your enemy into your hands. Now let me pin him to the ground with one thrust of my spear; I won’t strike him twice.”

Can you imagine David, he might have had many good reasons why he could take vengeance on king Saul. It was a miracle for the whole army to fall asleep, surely that was a sign from God to allow vengeance. All of the good reasons were there. If David was offended, David would have felt fully justified to allow Abishai to spear the king. David says in 1 Samuel 26:9-11: “But David said to Abishai, “Don’t destroy him! Who can lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed and be guiltless? As surely as the Lord lives,” he said, “the Lord himself will strike him; either his time will come and he will die, or he will go into battle and perish. But the Lord forbid that I should lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed. Now get the spear and water jug that are near his head, and let’s go.” It would have been far easier for David and the nation to get rid of this wolf in sheep's clothing. But God says:“Vengeance is mine, do not take revenge.” God repeatedly says that in Romans 12. David's heart was pure. In fact it was David’s the second chance to kill Saul. To kill he could have done with impunity. Nobody would have blamed him. It would have been self-defence.

Yet David's heart was pure, he did not even slander the king. We often do not kill people with our physical hands, but we murder them with our tongues. We have seen in Proverbs 18:21 that: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” David used his tongue to prevent murder and to bless. Words that are backed up by bitterness and anger, turn to slander and bring death. Even if all the facts point to that death being justified, the reality is Saul was God's anointed king. If David had taken vengeance, even with all the right actions and all the evidence in his favour, the truth was his motives would have been impure. That is why in Proverbs 6:19 it says: “A false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.” If David had done that he would have caused great dissension. Instead, he chose to constantly forgive. He realized that God hates a divisive person.

David could have been a whistle-blower. I know in my own life there has been a time when I was a youth pastor and I was serving in a church. I tried to teach the young people one way and there was a man who was against me. His son was in that youth and his son kept doing things that were ungodly, even touching the money of the youth. This leader went out of his way to make my life difficult, to undermine me and try to get rid of me. When I cried out to God, He said: “Keep being faithful. Keep doing what is right.” When I had a chance, when I even got evidence of the injustices, yet God said keep praying for him. Keep doing good. Keep being faithful. That challenge worked out when God moved me to a new part of his vineyard. Many months later, that man was found out in his sin and disciplined by the church. The reality is God is a faithful God. That vengeance was not mine to take. Mine was to honour my leaders. Mine was to recognize that he was God's anointed. Though God has a purpose for my life and his life, my job is not to be his judge. My job is to be faithful, not to be a whistle-blower.

While there is a place for whistle-blowers in the corruption of our world. Within the body of Christ we are to honour those whom God has put in authority over us. Within the family we are to honour our father and mother, as we are commanded. We are constantly called to humility and to refuse to avenge ourselves. We are called to not take any steps that would lead to vengeance or revenge in any way. The wonderful thing is that God released me from the torment of unforgiveness, as I let go of those things and saw God at work.

We see that story here is the story of David. David was wise when he let God be Saul's judge. David was wise. Then God used the Philistines and not David to deal with Saul. When Saul and his sons died in battle, David mourned and did not rejoice. One man boasted that he had even killed Saul to win David's favour and David had him put to death, because he touched the Lord's anointed, in 2 Samuel 1:14-15. David even composed a song for the people to sing in honour of king Saul and his sons who were slain. He called all of Israel to weep over Saul. This was not the heart of an offended man. David was free from offence because he had forgiven king Saul of everything, all the time.

David did not even kill king Saul's children, as they may have been a threat to his throne. He gave them land and set them at his table, even to eat with him in the palace. These were not the actions of an offended man. David was not offended when he was rejected by this man, who should have been a father to him, who should have taught him what a king should be and mentored him. Even in death David remained loyal to this man and it is easy for us to be loyal to a good leader but it is another thing when we see the leader's feet of clay. It is another thing to forgive. It is another thing to be a man after God's own heart and let go of all mistreatment. It is another thing to be a woman after God's own heart and to forgive fully.

The challenge of this message is: “Will you be a person after God's own heart?” To forgive. If God has forgiven you of all your sin, can you not forgive those who have sinned against you, those debts that are owed to you? Can you forgive and leave vengeance with the Lord? Can you not choose to not avenge yourself in anyway, in thought or with your tongue, in word, or in deed? Can you choose to realise that in this love-hate relationship that you may be entangled even now, that there are going to be missing fathers. However, you are called to honour your father. Honour your leaders, and not in a sense be a whistle-blower here. Leave vengeance with the Lord and turn from vengeance to our Father in heaven. Ask him for a heart of love, a heart that holds no malice deep down in it. A heart that is open and overflowing with agape love, even for a failure of a father. May God bless you.

Let us pray together: Father help us we pray, to be men and woman after your own heart. Forgive us, Lord, if we have been tempted to take revenge or to take vengeance in any way. Cleanse us, Lord, from any thoughts of unforgiveness. Help us now, by your Holy Spirit to forgive others fully, even as we have been forgiven. May we be part of your blessing and your solution for a hurting world, we pray. For all this we ask, in Jesus Christ's name, amen.

May God bless you as you become part of His plan to break the cycle of vengeance and revenge that goes on, unless we love. To him, the God of all love, be all praise, glory and honour, now and forevermore, amen.