How can you be free from offences?

How can you be free from getting angry at work, on the roads or even in your family? How can you be free from taking offence all the time?

I will tell you a story. A lady was married for 20 years, when her husband suddenly left her. She really struggled with that. Despite it all; she forgave Him. However, she noticed that every time she had contact with him, she was in pain, so she avoided him. It was like that for 10 years. She realized that she was still holding onto those offences. The offences were terribly wounding that it had gripped her after destroying her marriage. When she decided to forgive and let go of those offences suddenly, she found herself free. She found herself able to talk with him for the first time without bitterness in her heart and an edge in her voice. She was finally free.

Today we're looking at how to let go of those offences and why in our day and age it's so difficult. We’ll read from God's word what is going to happen at the end of time and I believe we are in that time. Matthew 24:1-14 it Jesus left the temple and was walking away when his disciples came up to him to call his attention to its buildings. “Do you see all these things?” he asked. “I tell you the truth, not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down.” As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. “Tell us,” they said, “when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?” Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumours of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. “Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

It does seem as if we're living in those last days. People take offence at every turn and the love of many has grown cold especially during this time of COVID-19. I want us to look at this passage and see what it teaches us about taking offence. Here we see the disciples look back at the temple as they're leaving. Jesus had taught there for the day and we know from the history books that this was a time when the temple was covered in gold. The temple was so beautiful. When it was sunrise or sunset the sunshine reflecting off the gold dome was absolutely stunning. It was blinding in some cases. In a real way Herod's temple, that Jesus was walking away from, was a thing of beauty and the people admired it. Jesus pointed out that every stone will be removed from another. That day was coming soon, because they were busy rejecting the Messiah that had now come. To this day the temple has not been rebuilt. Here we see a picture of those last days and I particularly want us to look at Matthew 24:10, because one of the signs Jesus is going to return, is that many will take offence. It's not a few that will take offence, but many will take offence. We live in a culture where it seems like many people are taking offence, even Christians in the church are doing so. Many are not going to church any longer. Some are sitting at home, resentful for some reason. What does this verse say? If you read it in the NIV as I did, it says: “At the that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray each other.” Where do I get this offence idea? In the King James version it says: “And then shall many be offended and shall betray one another and shall hate one another.” The Greek word that's used, there for ‘take offence’ or ‘turn away’ as the NIV translates it, is the word ‘skandalisthasontai.’ In English it's the word ‘scandal’. The type of scandal that leaves people shocked. People are shocked and turn away. They show a feeling of utter disgust. The words for scandal ‘skandalisthasontai’ metaphorically is used for something that arouses a prejudice. Something that hinders people or something that causes them to fall. The interesting thing is that the literal meaning of the word is ‘the bait in a trap.’ Last week we looked at how the evil one catches us when we take the bait and we end up caught in his trap. Perhaps another image that might help you is of the cheese in a rat trap. The cheese is there and as long as the rat does not touch it, it's not going to get caught. However, the minute the rat takes that cheese, it's scandalised. That's the literal meaning of that word.

Here we are told that many are offended. Today we have politically correct language we should use in order not to offend certain people. We must be careful what we say and we must be considerate of others when speaking, to prevent us from causing offence. I don't believe that this word of God is referring necessarily to people in the world. This word is referring to the many in the church. Many will take offence and have their love grow cold. How does that happen? The word here for love is ‘agape’ love; the sacrificial love. It's the love that the Holy Spirit gives us when we open our lives to Jesus Christ. He gives us new life and we are born again. We are transformed from the inside out. We are then filled with ‘agape’ love. ‘Agape’ love constantly gives.

There's another type of love in the Greek language in which Matthew was writing and that was the ‘phileo' love. ‘Phileo’ love is a friendship love. It's the kind of love which thinks: “You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.” It's a reciprocal love. “I'll be your friend if you'll be my friend,” kind of love. The kind of love that we are called to as Christians is ‘agape’ love; a sacrificial love. It's the kind of love that Jesus calls us to have, even for our enemies.

I remember learning this lesson the hard way. There was a period in my life where I worked with a man. He was one of those men that was just critical all the time. He was one of those men that kept finding fault and it was hard to work with him. I remember crying out to God and telling him how difficult it was. I wondered how I could work with someone I was so easily offended by. I was easily offended by what he said, how he behaved and what he did. The Lord pointed out to me that He has loved me with an ‘agape’ love. He has loved me with a love that sent him to the cross, because I am part of this fallen world that has sinned against a Holy God. This Jesus who died for me on the cross said “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” He said that for the Roman soldiers at the foot of the cross, for His disciples who'd abandoned him, to John who was hiding among the woman at a distance. He said it to everyone who'd left Him alone on that cross. He said it to you and me as He died for our sins That love that forgave is the kind of love that Jesus called us to have. I must not grow weary in doing good to this man. I saw how that love broke through barriers and over time changed the situation.

We are commanded by Jesus to love our enemies. Matthew 5:44-47 says: “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?” I thought I was a failure because my love was not breaking through. Initially it was not returned as I did good. It was returned with grunts, complaints and criticism. The reality is that what we sow will come back to us as a harvest and it did. God will germinate that agape love that we sow in people's hearts. God will bring people back to apologise. We are to love. We have been set free by Jesus to love with an ‘agape’ love. A love that loves regardless of how it is returned or not returned.

Do not give up when you are offended. Selfish love, on the other hand is easily offended. Why is selfish love, ‘phileo’ love, easily offended? It is offended because selfish love has expectations of the other person. If you have expectations of a person then you will be easily let down. If you have no expectations of others then all love is given as a blessing to them. It's given in such a way that you don't see them as owing you anything. We set ourselves up for offence when we expect a certain behaviour from those with whom we have a relationship. Isn't it true that we are most offended by those with whom we have the deepest relationship?

To understand how we get offended, we need to look at this concept of a brother or sister offended. Firstly, because that's what Proverbs 18:19 says: “An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.” When this was written cities had walls around them. The wall would keep the people safe inside and they kept the enemy outside. The gates were places where perhaps the elders met and the authorities checked who came in and out. The taxation was collected. When somebody is offended they're like somebody with a high wall around them. They have gates where you're allowed in or out, if you belong to their tribe, so to speak. The problem is that when we build a strong wall around our life, when we're offended by somebody. We brick that wall up, one brick upon another, offence upon another, till we can't see over it. We can't see the other person on the other side. We build those walls because we don't want to be hurt anymore and we want to prevent any further wounds. The walls get higher and higher.

We see that concept in secular psychology. It's called boundaries. The world says, “Build your boundaries, keep your distance, don't let people hurt you.” These boundaries in relationships grow higher and they withhold access to anyone who has not paid their debt in full. We want our sins to be forgiven but we won’t forgive our debtors as well. We wait at the gate, we pull up the drawbridge and we don't let anybody in when we're offended. We then open our lives only to people who are “on our side.” Without realizing it, we build these boundaries, these walls between us and those who can hurt us.

What happens is those walls don't just become city walls but they become prison walls. They trap us inside, we become tormented and the punishment chews at our health, both mentally and physically. It chews at every relationship around us. We becomes poisoned by the bitterness of the offences that we have taken from others. We harden our hearts and we then live in terror of those that are outside. We are afraid to go out. We become paranoid. The focus of the offended Christian is no longer loving with ‘agape’ love but now just with ‘phileo’ love, for those that he lets into his city. The offended brother become introspective. They guard their rights and they spend all their energy on ensuring that nobody ever gets close to them, so that they can hurt them again. They cannot receive unfailing love from God or from others. They definitely cannot give unfailing love. Hurt people become self-seeking and self-centred. It is all about their little world. The love of God in their hearts grows cold.

We see that picture portrayed for us in the geography of the Holy Land. We have the Jordan river that flows into the Sea of Galilee in the north and flows out of the Sea of Galilee in the south. The Sea of Galilee is full of fish. The surrounding hillsides are green and lush as Jesus taught on the hills around there to the five thousand. To this day fishermen are still taking nets full of fish out of the Sea of Galilee. It's a productive life-giving sea. However, the same Jordan water that flows into it in the north and flows out of it in the south flows down the Jordan valley to the Dead Sea. The water that flows into the Dead Sea goes nowhere, except to evaporate in the heat of the desert. Around the Dead Sea it's dry and arid. There's no plants. There is no life in the Dead Sea. No fish. It's very salty.

When we as Christians receive God's Holy Spirit and He flows into us and Jesus says from our hearts will flow living water that will nourish and feed many people around us. If our hearts become full of the knowledge of God and we don't give it out in ‘agape’ love, we become very salty. We may know our Bible from Genesis to Revelation. We have maybe even memorized parts of it and we become so bitter and twisted, that there is just death all around us. Yes, we preserve the Word of God, but we have forgotten ‘agape’ love, a sacrificial love. A love that constantly gives even to our enemies, who don't deserve it. It does good to those who despitefully use us. This is the love to which we are called. Life cannot be sustained if love is hoarded.

If we are an offended brother and we hold our love behind high walls, we create boundaries that defend and protect us. Love cannot be given and life cannot be brought to hurting relationships. Satan has got them. They may have gotten their teeth into their cheese on the rat trap, but now they cannot let go, and Satan has trapped them. They are now his servant. The stagnant life becomes a wall and a prison of torment and distortion.

The New Testament calls these hardened hearts strongholds. In 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 it says: “The weapons we fight with are not weapons of this world. On the contrary they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension, that sets itself up against the knowledge of God. And we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” Strongholds create patterns of thinking. Strongholds enable us to only filter information, that we want to receive through the bars of our citadel. We protect ourselves in the prisons, torturing ourselves, with only fake news that fits our negative viewpoint. We then are unable to receive the freedom of Christ, and the joy of the Lord. We become angry all the time, snapping at people, hooting at people on the road, and we sift everything through our past hurts. Those offences that are sometimes, coming from all the way back in our childhood. We remember the rejection that we have experienced then. We find it impossible to believe that God can change us. We will say “Well, that's the way I am.” God's ways are not our ways. He can change even the hardest heart. The offended person uses the Bible just as a weapon. A verse here and there to justify their opinion. Knowledge without love of God, becomes deception. They become what Jesus calls in this passage ‘the false teachers.’ Jesus says in Matthew 24:11 says, “Many false prophets will appear and deceive many people.”

What we have in this passage is a description of the future. We're living through what is spoken of here. This is the future now! It deals with people who are deceived and are without love. As well as people who are offended and who are deceived. This deception leads to their love growing cold. Love growing cold is a slow process. When we come to know Jesus we can't get enough of him. We cannot stop being in the church. We love serving and getting involved, wherever we can. However, as our love grows cold. We resign from service opportunities and pull away. We begin to come to worship less often, sometimes only once or twice a year because we've been offended.

The false prophets then come and prey on us. They come knocking at our door, two by two, promising us things. They tell us if we work harder, we'll get to heaven. They will tell us we need nothing but good works to get to heaven. But, no, it is by grace that we are saved, not by good works (Ephesians 2:9-11).

The false prophets are really wolves in sheep's clothing. Wolves like to be around sheep, because they can devour them. Those wolves can be deceiving people, from the pulpit. Those wolves can be in the congregation stirring up problems and division. You can spot a wolf, not by what they say, because they can quote the Bible - from beginning to end - but by their fruit. You can see their fruit by their perseverance, by their love for their enemies, by the way they treat people who are less than themselves. Wolves go for the wounded sheep. Wolves attack the weak Christians and tell them what they want to hear. They give nice little stories, but they don't give them the hard truth. We need Jesus transforming us and forgiving our sins. We need to forgive, as we have been forgiven, or else we become hard and bitter.

Jesus prophesies here that these future events will happen to us and they are happening right now. We see wars and rumours of wars. We see threats of atomic bombs. We see all of this and Jesus says, “Don't worry about it. Don't take your eyes off me.” Jesus warns us that we are not to be alarmed. We are to persevere and not to grow cold in our love. We're living in the future now. The reality is that Jesus gives us all this information in Matthew 24, so that we might endure. God's Spirit is upon us. We won't run dry, as we give, living waters like the Jordan River flowing out. Pouring out of our lives, as much as we receive, we give, just as Christ has given to us. In this future now, we live.

What happens to those who have hardened their hearts and taken offence when they have been trapped by the evil one? I want us to see thirdly, there is this betrayal. These last days in 2 Timothy 3:1-5, he says: “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.” Paul says: “Have nothing to do with him.” They appear to be Christians, but they are wolves in sheep's clothing. They deny Jesus can change their hearts and take that unforgiveness out of their heart, as they confess it to God. They deny God’s ability to put a forgiving heart, a heart of gold, a heart that loves even the enemies.

There is little or no hope of Jesus entering their lives. They live in bondage, in the prison of their bitterness. They live without freedom, behind walls, boundaries, and rules that they've made in order for them not to be hurt again. This betrayal that Matthew 24:10 speaks of is there because there will be persecution. It will be Christians betraying other Christians. It will be people who once walked and talked with us in the church. It's the true believers who will be tested by this. It is not easy to endure persecution. That wickedness and the lack of love will increase, as Matthew 24:12 puts it.

The wickedness points to the spiritual death of those who allow the devil to trap them, as they take the bait. They are deceived. The expression “most” here, indicates, that a large percentage of the church will fall away. As we look around our church on a Sunday, we are down to two services, from five services before the Covid-19 crisis. As we look around, how many have fallen away, and stayed away? As you're reading this, maybe you're falling into that trap yourself. Maybe Satan has caused you to see something, that's caused offence. He's pointed that out. You easily point out the speck in your brother's eye, and you forget the log in your own. Today you can listen to the best preachers in the world on the internet. You can hear everything you want to. You can amass vast libraries of knowledge. Yet, if your family life is a mess; if your relationships are falling apart; if you're taking your brother to court; if you're running from church to church; if there is a breakdown in the workplace relationships; in the family; and on the roads (with road rage); then there is something wrong. If Jesus had to walk into our churches today He would say: “Repent! Repent! Change your thinking. Change your thinking! Free yourself from deception. Free yourself from self-seeking. Change from mere “phileo” love and grow into “agape” love, which is a gift of the Spirit.”

Offence, leads to betrayal, and betrayal leads to hatred. Self-preservation means that you try and protect yourself at all costs. Remember what we learned already. When we are offended and take that offence. What's the first emotion that we have? Anger! When we leave that anger and we don't go and rebuke the person, so as to deal with it and restore the relationship. Then the next day that anger goes cold. It turns to bitterness, and from bitterness it turns to slander. We tell everybody else about that person or the problem. When we have slandered them, we become resentful, because now people do not listen to other people’s issues. They just see us as a negative whiner. Finally resentment turns to hatred, which manifests itself in revenge. We cut off relationships. We hurt that person in the way we best know how to hurt them. What flows from that hatred? John tells us in 1 John 3:15 that: “Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and we know that no murderer has eternal life.” That's why Jesus warns us that many will have their love grow cold, and they're going to miss heaven, because of that hatred.

What can we say in conclusion. Offence, betrayal and hatred are at epidemic proportions today. We seem to be angry with the world. Angry with the politicians, our neighbours, the community, the church and our families. We're even angry with ourselves, because we're tormented, in these prisons, from the walls of offence, we’ve taken. Christians are protecting their rights. Making sure that they will not be mistreated and taken advantage of. As Paul says when he deals with the issue of Christians going to court against one another, he says: “There are lawsuits among you… why not rather be wronged. Why not rather be cheated.” Or as Jesus put it in Matthew 5:44: “But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Why do we not live by this law of love? It is simply because our ‘agape’ love has grown cold. We then seek to protect ourselves. We do not entrust ourselves into the care of God.

We're not free like children, in a safe home environment. Where they can run and experience all of what God has for them. We forget that we have a Father who is just. Who will protect us from the evil one and all his fiery darts. We just need to keep that shield of faith up. We need to trust our God and Father. We should not be afraid. What did Jesus do when he was wronged? 1 Peter 2:21-23 tells us that: “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” We need to turn back to God today. Turn back from that bitterness. Let go of that offence.

Don't touch that “cheese,” that the devil has put out for you. All of those little and big offences, that have happened to you, let go of them. Stop trying to preserve yourself. God will preserve you. Nothing in all of creation can separate you from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus. When you resist that temptation to be offended. When you flee the trap that is set for you by the evil one. Then God brings victory and love overflows from you. Just turn from offences in these last days and turn to love, as Christ has loved you. In this rat race, don't be a rat. Don't take the cheese and be caught by the evil one, to be used for his purposes, in your bitterness to spew all sorts of vile things upon people around you. Let go of that. Confess that bitterness to the Lord. Ask him to forgive you, to cleanse you from all unrighteousness, and to fill you afresh with his love. That prayer: Forgive, Cleanse and Fill... you might need to pray many times a day, even 50 times. From our gracious God, you will have that love, poured out each time you ask. You will have that peace 50 times a day, that perseverance to keep going for weeks, through the most difficult of circumstances. It’s all by grace. It's a gift of God. If necessary, write down all those offences and burn that paper, or throw it away, and then leave it with Jesus. He will deal with every brick in the wall. You are called to be free in Christ.

Let us pray together: O Lord Jesus, please hear our prayers. For some of us, maybe we are part of the many who need to say: “O Lord Jesus, forgive me for taking offence at little and big things. Forgive me for accumulating those offences like a wall. It has become a boundary keeping me away from people and keeping me from loving as you have loved me. O Lord Jesus, free me, I pray today. Deliver me from evil, I ask. Free me from this trap and fill me with your agape love. Your love that loves and gives, even when it is not returned. Forgive me, Lord Jesus now and empower me by your Spirit, to live a new life.” Every time I sense bitterness arising in my heart, to anger, help me to run to you, every moment of every day, if necessary. Until I’m free. Until I’m filled with joy, for days and weeks and months on end. O Lord Jesus, keep me close to you. I pray, help us today to be done with unforgiveness. For this we pray in Jesus Christ's name. Amen.

Well may you now live your life free, to the glory of God.