How can you avoid the terrible trap of taking offence?

How can we avoid the anger and the bitterness that often grows all around us? Today we begin a new series in the whole topic of forgiveness. Let's look at the topic of forgiveness and why it is so important. As we look at this topic together today I want us to look at that issue of offence together. We’ll read from Jesus's words in Luke 17:1-10.

God's word says this: “Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you. “Suppose one of you has a servant ploughing or looking after the sheep. Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Won’t he rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”

As we begin this new series of forgiveness we need to realize that one of the ways that Satan attacks us is through the area of offence. In our day and age the attack of the evil one is growing. In these last days, we need to see that the battle is becoming fiercer. Today we have “cancel culture.” Today it seems like taking offence has become a new pastime. Here we see Jesus spelling out for the disciples that offences will happen. One of the biggest obstacles that we face as a church and as individuals in the body of Christ is the issue of taking offence. When the disciples received this word they had seen Jesus call them to follow Him. They had walked with Him for months, years perhaps. They had seen Jesus raise the dead. They had seen Jesus feed five thousand. They'd never asked Him to give them more faith so that they’ll be able to make the loaves and the fishes multiply. When He raised the dead, they didn't ask Him to give them faith to raise the dead as well. When He'd cast out demons, they didn't ask to do so as well. Rather when He asked them to forgive the offences, that's when they asked Lord give us more faith. It's then that they recognized, one of the hardest things about our Christian walk is to forgive the many offences that come our way within the body of Christ. Here we realize that Jesus tells us in Luke 17:1 that offences will come, it's a certainty. The question is how do we handle those offences and deal with them?

I’ll share a story that I've heard from John Bevere. One man had bitterness in his heart for 36 years. He became a Christian. He joined a local church, but he did not experience the warmth of Christianity. He sat there and he was numb inside when people spoke about experiencing God speaking to Him. When he read the Bible he did it out of duty, but he didn't enjoy it. When the preacher spoke he heard it and there were some interesting points, but it didn't stir his heart. He was just there. He tried to get excited about the miracles he saw going on in people's lives but he kind of questioned it and doubted. One day when he was challenged on the issue of forgiveness he remembered that he had harboured unforgiveness against his own biological mother. She had to give him up for adoption at the age of six months and for all his adult life he had held that offence against her. When he realized that he had not forgiven his own biological mother, he went to her and forgave her fully for abandoning him. She was even able to forgive herself and let go of the pain she’d carried for all those years. The man said an interesting thing. When he returned to church he said, “Now when I sit in services at the very mention of Jesus, tears would run down my face. Tears of gratitude, joy and thankfulness.” I feel God was very close to him all because he had let go of the offence that had happened. That's what forgiveness can do for all of us.

We need to look at this passage together and see here that there is a trap. There is the trap of offence. I remember a majestic movie, long ago, called Beautiful People and in that movie there was a story told of how a bushman would dig a hole in an ant hill. He would dig the hole just big enough for a hand to go in there. He'd put his hand in and put seeds in, usually pumpkin seeds, maybe some fruit seeds, in that hole. He'd make sure that there were some baboons nearby watching him. They'd see him dig the hole and he'd go away and hide away behind some bushes. The baboon watching him would look around, be suspicious, watch the situation. If that baboon went to the hole and put his hand in the hole and grabbed the seeds then his fist was too big to pull out of the hole. That man had trapped that baboon. He wanted to catch the baboon because the baboon knew where the water was and he would tie-up that baboon, to lead him to the water. Satan does that to us. He traps us when we take hold of an offence. We do not pull loose, and we do not even know that we are trapped. Then Satan uses us for his purposes. His purpose is to bring division to the church, conflict to relationships and bring pain to those around us that we love. When we are trapped by Satan, because of unforgiveness, we take hold of that issue that's caused offence. When we harbour that in our lives, we are in great danger. Satan is the enemy of our souls and he wants to trap us. He wants to lead us into destruction and cause as much damage around us as he can through us.

One of the deadliest traps that he sets is this trap of offence. Offence is not deadly if we do not take the seeds. If we do not hold on to that offence. If we let go, we are free. However, if we hold on we are captive to whoever comes along. Firstly, the offence in our hearts produces anger. That's when we know we've been caught. Secondly, it produces bitterness, a cold anger. Thirdly, it produces slander. That's when we take out our anger by telling other people about the person that offended us. Fourthly, it causes resentment. When we can see nothing good in them. When we see all the specks in their eye and not the log in our own. Lastly, it leads to hatred. Where we want to take revenge upon them. We try to hurt them as much as they hurt us. We perhaps sever relationships with them. We hurt them by removing our love, affection and care from them. When we take offence, we become trapped by the evil one and he uses us. He uses us to insult people, attack people, to get into road rage incidents, to wound people around us and to bring division to the unity of the body of Christ. He uses us to separate relationships and bring hatred. This leads to even divorce and broken relationships. He uses us to betray people and even backslide spiritually. Often those offended don't even realize that they have been caught in a trap. Satan keeps feeding them with more information of why that first offence was caused.

Firstly, I want us to see that there is a trap. Today I want to expose that trap. I want to show you how Satan is catching us. I want to show you how you can escape and how you can stay free of offence. If you let go of the offence. The second thing I want you to see, is that usually with the trap comes denial. As a pastor I've seen countless Christians cut off their relationships from others. They've joined the “cancel culture” of our world. They've “unfriended” their friends on Facebook. They've left years of relationship for the wilderness of bitterness. They have changed churches. Gone from one church to another and not grown spiritually. They have stayed bitter, joyless and unable to hear God speak to them and lead them. Jesus said, “My sheep hear My voice and they listen to Me.” However, when we’re offended we can't hear. It's a long time since they heard God speak. Due to this many of them are not serving where God called them to serve. God has equipped them to fit into the body of Christ, to minister and to serve but taking offence makes them unable to do so. They're frustrated because their gifts are shrivelling and are unused. They blame others for the offence. Usually it's a fellow believer or they feel betrayed by those that they had allowed to come near. They hold on to that offence and cut everybody off. They feel like David in Psalm 55:12-14: “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God.”

You see the closer the relationship we have with someone the greater the offence that we take. Some people have got such high walls around them that nobody can come near them. They are hard and resistant to every relationship. Even love can’t break through. The possibilities for offence are endless. Since we live in an age where selfishness rules, where narcissism is the order of the day, as 2 Timothy 3:2 puts it. In these last days, people have become lovers of themselves and because people are selfish and love themselves they take hold of any and every offense. They are offended even for other people's sake. What can be done about all this?

We need to say it is not your fault that offence came. Jesus says in Luke 17:1, it is impossible to live in this world and not encounter offences. We need to be prepared for those offences. We need to be ready because our response to those offences will determine our future. We might be in bondage, held by that offence, trapped by Satan. We might also be free to adore God with great joy, love and passion. The choice and duty is frighteningly ours.

Since there's a trap and there's denial, we need to see that there is a scandal. What is the scandal here? That Greek word for offend is the word “scandalon.” The term “scandalon” refers to a serious enticement to sin. An offence is something that lures us into to sin; into bitterness, anger and hatred. These actions lead people to fall away from the faith. Jesus said that the fate of the culprit is worse than if a huge millstone had been tied around their necks and they'd been cast into the sea. In other words, Jesus is saying that death would be better than for them to face God's judgment for this crime of causing the offence. God will deal with the offender.

Bearing this knowledge how do we deal with the offence? Sin is to be rebuked says Jesus. We are to say to the sinner that we are offended by their words or actions. We need to communicate that lovingly and carefully. We need to speak the truth to them in love and we need to rebuke that sin. We need to speak up about sin and one of the hardest things is to lovingly rebuke somebody. Correct them and point out what is the problem. Many times the person that is offending others is at least partly, if not wholly unaware that they are offending people. Once they have realised that, they need to apologise for their words or actions. Then we are to forgive them, when they repent and ask for our forgiveness. We are to keep forgiving.

The possibility of forgiveness then raises the question about how often we have to forgive? Jesus says here that after there is a change of thinking, after the person realises what they have done, we are to forgive even seven times a day. Jesus says that no matter how many times people hurt us we must forgive them. In Matthew's gospel, He says seventy times seven times a day. Figuratively what Jesus is saying is that we are to forgive as often as repentance occurs. We are to forgive as often as the person changes their mind. There needs to be forgiveness given is what Jesus tells us.

This is because the Greek word for offences, that word ‘scandal’, in the Greek is used for the bait that is put in a trap. That's the word for the seeds in the trap that catches us. It's a scandal that catches us and pulls us back. That's why 2 Timothy 2:24, speaking to church leaders says this: “And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth. Through this they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil who has taken them captive to do His will.” Isn't that quite a thought that those that are bringing division are held captive by the evil one? Usually they have been offended by something that somebody in the church has done, and they take it out on everybody. Those in fights that are involved in opposing everything in the body of Christ are trapped. They are caught and they are held prisoner by the devil. They are simply doing His will and they are unaware of their captivity.

The offence may be a real offence that has been done against them by somebody or something that has happened in the church. It may also be an imagined offence. They have put their hand in that trap, and they've taken hold of it. They will not let go and they hold on to that offence. Their conclusions based on what has happened become inaccurate. They don't see things as they are truly. The devil keeps the offended person trapped by keeping the offence hidden. When a friend says to the offended person, that they must have offended you. They will deny it and say that they’re a mature Christian and are unable to get offended. Pride masks the true condition of their hearts. They are puffed up. They will not fall for an easy trap like that.

Pride causes us to view ourselves as a victim. As if somebody has done something to trap us. If you are innocent, you still continue with that view that offence gives you the right to hold back your forgiveness. We might say that we forgive someone but we do not truly let people go. We still cut them off. We still withhold things from them. We do as much harm to them as we can. The reality is that God sees our hearts and our attitude should be that of this servant who has only done their duty. God says obedience to His word is to forgive all offences. Leave justice with God. Romans 12:19: “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” We are to forgive. Obedience is not a matter of merit, though God does honour us and commend us as good and faithful servants. He tells us that we do not have the right to pick up that offence and hold on to it. We do not have the choice. Do I obey and forgive this time but not that time? Jesus says we are to forgive all things even as He forgave all of us on the cross. He said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” There is the scandal and trap. The bait is the scandal, offence is the bait that catches you.

What is the cure?

Fourthly, I want us to see the cure. Pride hides our true condition. It's pride that blinded the church in Laodicea that can be read in Revelations 3:14 onwards. Laodicea thought that they were rich. That they were powerful and they thought they were doing great. However, Jesus said that they are wretched and blind. Many people convince themselves that they're not hurt by an offence when somebody does something to hurt them. Jesus told the Laodiceans that an offence hurts greatly. We need to see the wound and bring the wound to God for healing. We need to receive ointment in a sense. Jesus told the Laodiceans firstly, to buy gold and that they might see their true condition. Revelations 3:18 says: “I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.”

What is gold? Refined gold is very soft and pliable. Gold is so soft and pliable that you can hammer it out, smooth it out, to be transparent. You can go into thin sheets. Gold can be so useful. If you want to harden gold to make a ring then you need to add other metals or alloys to that gold such as copper and nickel. The problem is those alloys make the gold hard. Hard enough to form a ring. Pure gold would not be able to be used as a ring. However, pure gold is what God wants of our hearts. He wants us to have hearts of gold. Not mixed in with bitterness, hatred, greed and selfishness. He wants us to be tender towards Him and pliable in the hands of the Holy Spirit. Hebrews 3:13 says: “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” That's what sin does. The sin of others can harden us if we are do not forgive.

If you know anything about the refining process of gold when it's milled. That powder will be put into a furnace and then it will be heated to high degrees. The pure gold will go to the bottom as a heavy metal and the alloys will float on the top as dross. They will be cleared off and cleansed and taken away, only the pure gold will remain. Jesus says to the Laodiceans as well as you and me, we need to come to Him. That our hearts may be cleansed and be hearts of gold. Hearts that are fully committed to Him. That's why Isaiah 48:10 says: “See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.” It's funny how when we're driving down the road and a taxi driver cuts us off, we find out what's in our hearts. Is it anger that comes out of our mouth? Or is it, “God bless you have a wonderful day. You're obviously in a bigger hurry than me?” Is it peace and blessing or is it hatred and bitterness?

We sometimes harden our hearts. That's why 1 Peter 1: 6-7 says: “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed. These have come so that your faith is of greater worth than gold. Gold perishes even though refined by fire your faith may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.” Do you have a heart of gold that's gone through all the trials and the tribulations of this world that Jesus said we would have? Has it come out pure or is it mixed with the alloys of bitterness, hatred, resentment and revenge? God refines you in affliction. God takes you through trials and tribulations to reveal what's in your heart. The heart needs to submit to Jesus. The heat separates the impurities of unforgiveness, of anger, bitterness, slander, rage and revenge and takes them out.

Sin hides when there is no trials. When everything is going well, we can be charming, friendly and open to everybody. When things are tough and difficult, that's when the impurities come to the surface. I've seen this in my life on a number of occasions. When things are tough, perhaps I've complained or expressed my difficulties and I've said things that I regret. When we find ourselves being rude to the waiter, when we find ourselves being impatient in the queue and when we find ourselves being triggered by that bad driver. We need to cry out to God and ask Him to show us the impurities of our heart. When we see people avoiding us because of that dark cloud hanging over our heads, we need to run to Jesus to purify our hearts and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

God has said you have a choice, stay angry trapped by that trap of Satan or be free. If you're blaming everybody around you, then look at the dross that's coming to the surface in your heart and change your thinking. Repent. Receive the forgiveness of God for that anger. There's no human cure for sin except to run to Jesus who alone can forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Ask the Holy Spirit to cleanse your heart and to equip you with great joy. Then go to Jesus who has paid an incredible price for you. He died for you and forgave you all your sins. Ask Him to forgive you now in this instance to set you free. Ask Him to free you to have not only a relationship with Him the living God, but a relationship with others that is not filled with the alloys of bitterness and hatred.

You might say, “I don't see that. I don't see what you're talking about here.” The key is perspective. How often have you seen one thing and somebody else has seen it another way. It's the perspective on things that we need. Often we are offended, we feel like a victim, then we justify our anger. We blame people to protect our bitterness. We guard ourselves with walls that keep everybody out. We resent others and we do not grow as God's people. That's why we need a new perspective. Jesus gave the church in Laodicea a new perspective in Revelation 3:18: “I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.” You need to see the true condition of your heart and turn from that bitterness and repent. Turn to Jesus and cry out to Him. Stop blaming people and ask Jesus to give you the power to forgive as He has forgiven you.

Faith then requires going in the direction that differs from the world. The world is saying cut off people, cancel them, ignore them, don't even speak to them or unfriend them. Jesus says forgive everyone, love them and set them free. This means walking by faith. You may say that’s too difficult. Jesus says that you only need faith the size of a mustard seed but forgive and keep forgiving. When you blame others and when you defend your position you are blind. When you struggle to remove the speck in other people's eyes, it's because there's a great big log in your eyes. When you see all those specks and you don't see the log in your eyes then you are blind.

When the Holy Spirit convicts you and He brings conviction and not condemnation to your heart. He convicts you to run to Jesus. Do that. You pray that. My prayer is that we might live and go on to glorify God. That we might go through the process of forgiveness. Often forgiveness is a process, that is a process in duration as long as the offence went on for. You need to let go of those offences. Just like there are little harbours along the coastline of many countries, where passing ships can go into the harbour and find safe refuge when there is a storm. In the same way, we can harbour resentment, an offence. We can keep it safe and when everything's going crazy around us that offence is there. Jesus says send it out. Set it free. He says that He will avenge and deal with the offender.

You need to forgive all sin all the time even forgiving yourself for what you have done wrong. Do not let pride keep you from repenting. Do not let pride keep you from seeing yourself as you really are. Run to Jesus now in prayer, ask Him to forgive you. Realize that you've been trapped to the extent of denying that trap. That the scandal of that offence has lured you away. Go to Jesus for the cure, for only Jesus can forgive you all your sin. He can even forgive this issue. As well as bitterness, anger, hatred and seeking revenge. Only Jesus can set you free. Cry out to Him and ask Him to change you, even right now in this prayer.

Join me now. Let us pray. O Lord Jesus, have mercy on me. Lord Jesus help me to forgive everybody for everything that they have done against me. Lord Jesus not only help me to forgive but empower me by Your Holy Spirit not to take offense. To not take hold of those temptations in a sense. Those traps of the evil one that would pull me away from You. Forgive me for all bitterness, anger and resentment and revenge. Cleanse me I pray Lord Jesus and fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Cleanse me like the gold, that is refined. Open my eyes to see what you have done for me. Help me to see clearly in my life and to go today, if necessary, and to put right with others where I need to. Give me that supernatural power to forgive as You have forgiven me. For this I pray in Your all-powerful name Lord Jesus. The name above all names, amen.

I pray that God will help you take the next step of forgiving that offence or the many offences that have come your way. If you would willingly share your testimony with me I'd love to hear what God does for you. May God bless you as you go out free. Free of that trap of the evil one. May you live your life now to the glory of God and to Him be all the praise and the glory now and forevermore, amen.